John Heney visited TechMag Social last Saturday. He chatted with Gary about making your life and the world around you a better place by becoming the person you’d like to meet.
John has such a wonderful, positive manner. It was an absolute pleasure to listen to him. Gary remarked “It’s hard to know exactly what John does, but you know he’s doing it.” My response? “I know what he does. He makes me feel better.”
For more info about John and his services in life/business coaching, visit http://cameo.techmagsocial.com/johnheney/
This isn’t news to me, but some people need it spelled out.
“A report by a couple of fun-loving sociologists in Germany may have you concerned. They say that happy couples get fat because there is no longer the same pressure on them to look good. Thus, when your wonderful boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, or husband announces he or she is only eating egg whites, and spending a lot of time in the gym, and how about this raw food diet program he or she has heard so much about?, you should be very worried that they’re not going to be much fun to go to dinner with. And also, they might want to ditch you for someone else.”
“Revenge is the desire to get even when someone does you wrong. It’s natural to feel angry, to say “I’m not going to let that **** get away with this,” whatever “this” is. However, revenge reduces you to your worst self, puts you on the same level with those spiteful people we claim to abhor. Additionally, studies have shown that revenge increases stress and impairs health and immunity. Sure, if someone hits you with a stick, you have the impulse to hit them back–the basis for wars. To thrive personally and as a species, we must resist this predictable lust for revenge, and seek to right wrongs more positively. This doesn’t make you a pushover; you’re just refusing to act in a tediously destructive way antithetical to ever finding peace. As Confucious says, “Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.””
We’re taught to turn the other cheek—that being kind in the face of hostility is the better way to respond to conflict so love can overcome hate. According to psychologist Clifford N. Lazarus, writing for Psychology Today, that sort of reaction just teaches abusive people that their behavior is effective.
In my experience, this is very true. However, what this article doesn’t say is that once an abuser decides you’re a mark (based on how nice you are), anything you do will “provoke” abuse.
Ever since I figured out that being too nice makes you an abuse magnet, I’ve simply been up-front with unacceptable behaviour. I’m not unique in this, either. Boy, does that ever sort out the bad apples! Decent people respond by focusing on the behaviour and try to work with you on the issue. The ones you don’t want to stick around ignore you or launch very quickly into personal attacks–they take everything personally and can’t or won’t focus on solving the problem.
Remember, though, when you raise your red flag, to keep your mind on specific issues and not on personalities. Nothing gets better by making personal attacks, and they just demonstrate that you don’t want the problem solved. Hey, do you want things to work out, or do you just want to fight?
One of the most interesting characters of the 20th century was Nobel Prize winning physicist Richard Feynman. Rumour has it that his IQ was less than 130, but his way of thinking about things was what set him apart. He went against the grain. His father taught him well, as you can hear in this video:
There are some truly amazing TED Talks out there. In this one, Julian Treasure discusses how our society is becoming harder of listening and offers five interesting and fun exercises to help us retrain ourselves to listen.